How to regain control of a meeting
Three scripts to steer meetings back on track
👋 Hey, it’s Wes. Welcome to my weekly newsletter on managing up, career growth, and standing out as a high-performer. I originally published a version of this essay in September 2019. Enjoy.
Read time: 3 minutes
One of the by-products of having bold ideas is you often need to pitch them to groups of people. And whenever you have more than one person in a room, there’s a chance the conversation gets derailed.
What if you’re caught off guard because people have taken over your meeting?
It’s important to regain control so you can move the conversation forward and make the best use of everyone’s time.
I’ve read advice on this topic, but most recommendations are too abrasive to say to people you actually want to continue working with. "I COULD say that… But my team would be shocked/horrified by how blunt I sound and end up hating me."
For those of us with a collaborative leadership style, it’s important to have scripts you can realistically picture yourself saying.
⛑️ Welcome and thanks for being here! If you want to sharpen your communication skills more quickly, check out my intensive 2-day course, Executive Communication & Influence for Senior ICs and Managers.
We’ll cover topics like how to be direct (without being a jerk), how to frame important conversations, share your POV, and more. You’ll learn alongside mid-career operators from organizations like Netflix, Uber, Zillow, Grammarly, Meta, Square, Amazon, Spotify, etc. → Save your spot
Here’s what to say to get your meeting back on track and why it works:
1. "I hear you. This is a bit of a different topic though, so let's park that for now. To follow up with what Jane said earlier, I think we should...."
When to use this: When your audience goes on a tangent.
Why it works: “That’s a good point… Let's park that for now” is good because it makes the person feel acknowledged for their comment. Otherwise, it can seem dismissive if you say, “That’s a different topic. ANYWAY, MOVING ON…”
The key with this strategy is to redirect and continue talking about the thing you want to talk about. You should redirect immediately because timing matters. You don’t want to give people a chance to object.
By mentioning someone else (Jane in this case), you use subtle peer pressure. You’re showing that everyone else is focused on the main point.
2. "Hmm. Let's take a step back for a second."
When to use this: When your audience gets bogged down by the nitty-gritty details.
Why it works: It’s easy to lose track of time when you’re debating and going down rabbit holes.
Let's take a step back makes you sound smart, like you see the forest and trees. It shows that you're watching out for the team and want to make sure everyone keeps their eyes on the prize.
3. "Great point. I want to make sure we cover X because of the Y deadline. If we don’t figure this out, we’ll have to carve out more time to meet again to discuss this. Are you cool if we continue for now?"
When to use this: When you want them to feel mutually accountable for keeping the meeting on track.
Why it works: Explaining with because is powerful. A professor of psychology at Harvard did a famous study showing that “because” gets people to comply, regardless of the actual reason you cite. But in this example, you’re citing a legitimate concern (an upcoming deadline or milestone).
This strategy is not about quickly redirecting. Instead, it’s about getting the person's buy-in to continue on a topic you should BOTH want to continue on. It’s a reminder that you both benefit from sticking to the topic.
What’s the psychology behind this strategy? By mentioning the cost of going on a tangent, you remind them that the tangent is not free.
The time now “costs” something—it always did, but now the cost is explicit and visible. “If we go on this tangent, we will have to schedule another meeting or meet for longer...”
Most people will gladly stick to the topic if it means ending a meeting on time.
Which phrase could you most see yourself using in an upcoming meeting? Hit reply because I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next Wednesday at 8am ET.
Wes
PS Here are more ways to connect:
Follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn for insights during the week (free).
Check my availability to do a keynote for your team.
Learn more about 1:1 executive coaching. My clients include director- and VP-level operators at companies funded by Sequoia, Accel, Kleiner Perkins, etc.
Sell your ideas, manage up, gain buy-in, and increase your impact in my 2-day intensive course. Save your spot here: Executive Communication & Influence for Senior ICs and Managers
If you want to sharpen your communication skills more quickly, check out my intensive 2-day course, Executive Communication & Influence for Senior ICs and Managers. The course focuses on exercises, reflection, and hands-on practice, so you start to build your muscle memory. You’ll learn alongside mid-career operators from organizations like Netflix, Uber, Zillow, Grammarly, Meta, Square, Amazon, Spotify, etc. → Save your spot
One thing that’s missing here is that the precursor to all of this is to clearly state the agenda and expected outcomes of the meeting ahead of time. Makes it much easier to blame the agenda when getting things back on track.
Great tips, Wes. #3 is particularly powerful – it subtly incentivizes everyone to stay on track. Like a teacher's class-wide consequence, it creates peer pressure for staying focused on solving the problem at hand. Have you found this technique works better in certain types of meetings?