[Fundamentals] Strategy, not self-expression

I wrote this 6 years ago, and it's still one of my most referenced posts to this day.

👋 Hey, it’s Wes. Welcome to my bi-weekly newsletter on managing up, leading teams, and standing out as a high performer. For more, check out my intensive course on Executive Communication & Influence for Senior ICs and Managers.

Read time: 3 minutes

Fundamentals is a new series that highlights my core frameworks in communication, leadership, and influence. Whether you're new here or a longtime reader, this concept deserves a spot in your toolbox.

This week’s fundamental principle: Strategy, not self-expression

Updated thoughts

• I originally wrote this post in November 2019, six years ago. And it’s STILL one of the most common posts I refer clients to during 1:1 coaching, and a framework I personally use multiple times per week in meetings and in writing.

• Originally, I wrote the post through the lens of giving feedback. But I’ve come to realize that “strategy, not self-expression” is so much more broadly applicable. It basically applies to anytime you want to sell any idea, to anyone.

• If you’ve ever wondered, “What should I say? What should I not say?” Think about “strategy, not self-expression.” It will help you focus your message and drive toward your ideal outcome.

• The best part about “strategy, not self expression,” is you have to ask yourself, “Will saying X get me closer to my goal?” My next thought is usually, “Wait, wtf is my goal with this conversation?” This is key, because I believe many of us are not actually sure what our goal is before we jump into action. By pausing to consider “What is my goal here?”, you’re already acting in a more strategic way than you were before.

• I realized, if self-expression makes me feel good—because let’s be real, there is a certain gleeful satisfaction I derive from venting or getting the last word—but it makes the other person upset or defensive for no reason, then what’s the point? I’m basically making it harder for myself to get what I want. I’m winning the battle, but losing the war. On the other hand, if I use a bit of self-restraint and stay focused on productive points, I can lead us to a win-win situation.

• I posted about this on LinkedIn and found these comments insightful:

Read the full article →

Do this today

After you read the full article, reflect on these prompts:

1. In what types of situations do you tend to veer into self-expression territory?

2. Think of a time when you focused on framing an idea to your recipient. How did that work better than a time when you were simply in self-expression mode?

3. The next time you’re in a situation where you want to persuade, think about what will get you closer to your goal. Ask yourself: Will saying this motivate the person to do what I want them to do? Is this strategy or self-expression?

Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you in two weeks on Wednesday at 8am ET.

Wes

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