Good struggle vs bad struggle
Not all struggle leads to personal growth. Learn to distinguish between good struggle vs bad struggle, so you can invest your emotional energy in the right areas.
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Read time:Â 2 minutes
Thereâs a difference between good struggle vs bad struggle.
I used to think all struggling meant I was âpushing myselfâ and âgrowing,â but that's not true. It took me a long time to learn this.
As an ambitious person, I had gotten good at gaslighting myself when I encountered a challenge that made me nervous:
âItâs not anxiety, itâs excitement!â Iâd tell myself.
Sometimes anxiety is excitement.
But sometimes anxiety⌠is just anxiety.
At a certain point, I realized, âActually I donât really like doing X. And there are plenty of other ways I could invest my time that utilize my strengths.â
Good struggle is:
Thrashing to shape an idea
Practicing and learning a new skill
Answering hard questions about what to do
Messiness on the path to developing conviction
You canât outsource this type of struggle, and it ends up being good for you in the long run.
Bad struggle is
Pontificating in circles
Overanalyzing and handwringing
Trying to change people you wonât ever get along with
Optimizing past the point of diminishing returns
Bad struggle doesnât eventually lead to a positive outcome. It just makes you tired. Learn to distinguish between good struggle vs bad struggle. Invest your emotional energy in good struggle.
Thereâs an emotional cost to dealing with stuff youâre worried about. Do I want to be in this prolonged state? Sometimes, the upside is worth itâthatâs why itâs useful to learn how to do hard things, because it gives you the optionality to decide whether to do the hard thing.
But we forget the other side of this optionality: You donât HAVE to choose to do the hard thing. The âhard thingâ is not necessarily better for you simply because itâs hard.
We have to stop blindly equating pain with growth, because sometimes pain does lead to growth, but other times, itâs a sign the environment youâre in is a bad fit.
If you always associate pain with growth, I believe you are likely to stay way too long in environments or functions that were never meant for you in the first place.
Environments where youâre barely able to survive much less thrive, and where you get pulled into a vicious cycle thinking youâre wrong for being the way you are.
And the solution isnât to get better at gaslighting yourself about how youâre supposed to feel excited when you step outside your comfort zone.
The solution is to develop better self-awareness and instincts around when to keep pushing, and when to find a different activity or environment.
Have you ever conflated good struggle with bad struggle? Whatâs something you think might be âbad struggleâ that you can let go of, so you can spend more energy on âgood struggleâ?
Hit reply because Iâd love to hear from you. Thanks for being here, and Iâll see you next Wednesday at 8am ET.
Wes
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This makes me think about when I worry over senior level decisions I have no control over. I need to stop borrowing stress and just do my own work.
I used to ask my direct reports in 1:1s "are you being challenged in a good way?"