When I give honest feedback, I don’t want people to argue with me. Here's a simple technique I use so my direct reports are more likely to listen with an open mind.
I really like the focus on specificity and context - it makes it concrete and actionable. This is the big difference between just an opinion and an observation in service of your team member - that helps them build awareness and grow.
I agree! It's harder to argue with a specific example and it gives the other person an opportunity to truly reflect, which hopefully leads to awareness.
Great post, Wes! One build I’d like to offer based on your emotional regulation example: naming the impact of the behavior rather than diagnosing the cause.
While I can’t argue against perception when you use “seem”, questioning someone’s ability to regulate their emotions could lead to unhelpful detours.
The Situation, Behavior, Impact (SBI) framework for feedback for these moments. “In this (situation/moment), when you did X specific thing (behavior), it had this impact on the team, project, relationship (impact)”
Instead of getting stuck at emotional regulation or perception, you can focus on what happens when they do that behavior. The answer may be improving emotional regulation. However, dictating that for the direct report could trigger more resistance than needed.
I really like the focus on specificity and context - it makes it concrete and actionable. This is the big difference between just an opinion and an observation in service of your team member - that helps them build awareness and grow.
I agree! It's harder to argue with a specific example and it gives the other person an opportunity to truly reflect, which hopefully leads to awareness.
Great post, Wes! One build I’d like to offer based on your emotional regulation example: naming the impact of the behavior rather than diagnosing the cause.
While I can’t argue against perception when you use “seem”, questioning someone’s ability to regulate their emotions could lead to unhelpful detours.
The Situation, Behavior, Impact (SBI) framework for feedback for these moments. “In this (situation/moment), when you did X specific thing (behavior), it had this impact on the team, project, relationship (impact)”
Instead of getting stuck at emotional regulation or perception, you can focus on what happens when they do that behavior. The answer may be improving emotional regulation. However, dictating that for the direct report could trigger more resistance than needed.
The most valued feedback is always pulled, never pushed.