When I give honest feedback, I don’t want people to argue with me. Here's a simple technique I use so my direct reports are more likely to listen with an open mind.
Hi all, if your interested in team management tips (like this wonderful piece from Wes) and AI excellerating tools, I started a series called “I Don’t Want the Girls to Get Left Behind.” It’s my way of giving full access to the AI tools and knowledge that helped me build my company.
This space is for women, or anyone who feels like they’re struggling to keep up with the AI wave, to learn, build skills, and grow their confidence so no one gets left behind.
I figured what better way to start than learning from one of the best teachers out there, Miss Wes Kao
If you’re looking for a 101-style breakdown, send me a message. we can get started :)
I really like the focus on specificity and context - it makes it concrete and actionable. This is the big difference between just an opinion and an observation in service of your team member - that helps them build awareness and grow.
I agree! It's harder to argue with a specific example and it gives the other person an opportunity to truly reflect, which hopefully leads to awareness.
I'm not a CEO, but I do think that we, the individual contributors, must put some work on it as well, it's not just receiving the feedback we should try to remove the emotional part of it, most arguments starts from the feeling of being under attack, but most of the times our leader, the good leaders, doesn't want to attack us. From their perspective there's something they think we can do better.
This is true, Wes, however at some point your role as a mentor is to provide clear directions to your mentee. You can't always hedge your statements with "it seems", or "it tends to", etc because operators will also smell BS in that scenario.
One thing I do, after working with the same person for a while, is to become very direct in addressing the traits of their personality which are negatively impacting their performance (no hedging language at all), and listing several examples where they have manifested those behaviours. It's never an "impression"; it's a fact, and I give evidence to substantiate my statement.
I find that people appreciate that direct conversation.
Great post, Wes! One build I’d like to offer based on your emotional regulation example: naming the impact of the behavior rather than diagnosing the cause.
While I can’t argue against perception when you use “seem”, questioning someone’s ability to regulate their emotions could lead to unhelpful detours.
The Situation, Behavior, Impact (SBI) framework for feedback for these moments. “In this (situation/moment), when you did X specific thing (behavior), it had this impact on the team, project, relationship (impact)”
Instead of getting stuck at emotional regulation or perception, you can focus on what happens when they do that behavior. The answer may be improving emotional regulation. However, dictating that for the direct report could trigger more resistance than needed.
Hi all, if your interested in team management tips (like this wonderful piece from Wes) and AI excellerating tools, I started a series called “I Don’t Want the Girls to Get Left Behind.” It’s my way of giving full access to the AI tools and knowledge that helped me build my company.
This space is for women, or anyone who feels like they’re struggling to keep up with the AI wave, to learn, build skills, and grow their confidence so no one gets left behind.
I figured what better way to start than learning from one of the best teachers out there, Miss Wes Kao
If you’re looking for a 101-style breakdown, send me a message. we can get started :)
I really like the focus on specificity and context - it makes it concrete and actionable. This is the big difference between just an opinion and an observation in service of your team member - that helps them build awareness and grow.
I agree! It's harder to argue with a specific example and it gives the other person an opportunity to truly reflect, which hopefully leads to awareness.
I'm not a CEO, but I do think that we, the individual contributors, must put some work on it as well, it's not just receiving the feedback we should try to remove the emotional part of it, most arguments starts from the feeling of being under attack, but most of the times our leader, the good leaders, doesn't want to attack us. From their perspective there's something they think we can do better.
This is true, Wes, however at some point your role as a mentor is to provide clear directions to your mentee. You can't always hedge your statements with "it seems", or "it tends to", etc because operators will also smell BS in that scenario.
One thing I do, after working with the same person for a while, is to become very direct in addressing the traits of their personality which are negatively impacting their performance (no hedging language at all), and listing several examples where they have manifested those behaviours. It's never an "impression"; it's a fact, and I give evidence to substantiate my statement.
I find that people appreciate that direct conversation.
Great post, Wes! One build I’d like to offer based on your emotional regulation example: naming the impact of the behavior rather than diagnosing the cause.
While I can’t argue against perception when you use “seem”, questioning someone’s ability to regulate their emotions could lead to unhelpful detours.
The Situation, Behavior, Impact (SBI) framework for feedback for these moments. “In this (situation/moment), when you did X specific thing (behavior), it had this impact on the team, project, relationship (impact)”
Instead of getting stuck at emotional regulation or perception, you can focus on what happens when they do that behavior. The answer may be improving emotional regulation. However, dictating that for the direct report could trigger more resistance than needed.
The most valued feedback is always pulled, never pushed.