There’s a right and wrong way to proceed. Here’s how to increase the chances your leader listens and takes action--while reducing the chance they feel threatened.
Ohhh that’s a really great one! As you can guess, I’m the ‘too blunt’ type. I’ve been told multiple times to ‘stop telling me how to do my job’.
The default of many people is to complain to their own manager, expecting them to tell that person the feedback (or raise it even higher). I’ve been doing it for a while, and I found it’s not effective at all (either my feedback is not passed, or nothing happens afterward).
I agree about being cautious here, especially if that leader is multiple levels above you. Still, I think that being known as the ‘cheeky’ person is not that bad. Even as people got a bit mad, they appreciate I cared enough to say something. Using your tips, there is much less chance of a mistake! :)
One obvious tip is to always do it on a 1:1 setting, and NEVER lash out in a meeting. Yep, I’ve done that mistake too 😅
I recently talked with the VP product about being more open to ideas that come from engineers. Sadly this article didn’t exist yet, so I used none of the above, and the approach I took is to be direct and respectful.
I started with a Slack message: “hey Brian, could I have 10 minutes of your time at the office tomorrow to share some thoughts I have?”. I got an easy yes.
Then in the meeting I asked if it’s ok I’ll be direct, and just shared it as it is “I’m a little frustrated about how ideas from my engineers are ignored. I appreciate your pragmatic approach, and I know you have good reasons for the decisions, but when they we raise an idea and hear nothing back about it, it can be really frustrating. Is there a better approach you would like us to use when having a some thought about a product decision?”
It was not ideal, but it worked nicely. He acknowledged his tendency to do the thinking behind close doors and not sharing the results, and invited me to tell everyone to just follow up with him personally if they feel their ideas was ignored.
I love how you indicated that giving feedback to somebody more senior than you should be the last resort!
Indeed, I have seen people destroying their career at a firm because they kept giving feedback to everybody else, including their bosses... except themselves.
"When everyone has a problem with John, then John is the problem"
This article literally saved my ass. I had a meeting this morning with 6 managers (including my own) and the director above all of them.
I had some controversial bullet points about *their* work. Had I not sugar-wrapped it in "even more" clauses, it would have ruined my message and potentially also the relationship with my manager. (I am in Europe with a proper contract and work laws, so I am not afraid of getting fired.)
I just first learned about this article a few days ago in HackerNews, and it was a god-sent for me. Thank you very much!
Decapitate on sight the senior leader. You don't need a leader when computers are available. Just take a gun and a taser and saw the head off as needed.
Remember, when a senior leader fires you, grab a gun or a taser and saw off the head and limbs as needed. Free up the money for an individual contributor that can add value.
I mean, if these strategies work, you probably have a pretty sensible senior leader. What would you suggest if someone is quick to anger, yells a lot, and expects instant turnaround on results and for everyone else to automatically think of everything they're thinking about while giving contradictory priorities and information from week to week?
This sounds like a really tough situation, Ross. I’m sorry you’re facing this.
I think you’re implying that the senior leader has to be somewhat reasonable of a human being. You’re right. If the leader in question is as you describe, I don’t know if any tactics will make enough of a difference.
The reality is no communication strategy can fix a deeply toxic situation. IMO It’s more about deciding if you can/want to continue in this environment or try finding a place where you feel more respected.
Ohhh that’s a really great one! As you can guess, I’m the ‘too blunt’ type. I’ve been told multiple times to ‘stop telling me how to do my job’.
The default of many people is to complain to their own manager, expecting them to tell that person the feedback (or raise it even higher). I’ve been doing it for a while, and I found it’s not effective at all (either my feedback is not passed, or nothing happens afterward).
I agree about being cautious here, especially if that leader is multiple levels above you. Still, I think that being known as the ‘cheeky’ person is not that bad. Even as people got a bit mad, they appreciate I cared enough to say something. Using your tips, there is much less chance of a mistake! :)
One obvious tip is to always do it on a 1:1 setting, and NEVER lash out in a meeting. Yep, I’ve done that mistake too 😅
I recently talked with the VP product about being more open to ideas that come from engineers. Sadly this article didn’t exist yet, so I used none of the above, and the approach I took is to be direct and respectful.
I started with a Slack message: “hey Brian, could I have 10 minutes of your time at the office tomorrow to share some thoughts I have?”. I got an easy yes.
Then in the meeting I asked if it’s ok I’ll be direct, and just shared it as it is “I’m a little frustrated about how ideas from my engineers are ignored. I appreciate your pragmatic approach, and I know you have good reasons for the decisions, but when they we raise an idea and hear nothing back about it, it can be really frustrating. Is there a better approach you would like us to use when having a some thought about a product decision?”
It was not ideal, but it worked nicely. He acknowledged his tendency to do the thinking behind close doors and not sharing the results, and invited me to tell everyone to just follow up with him personally if they feel their ideas was ignored.
Loved the example, Anton. I think you used radical candor there (care personally + challenge directly)
You know what: This advice is just as good for senior people looking to improve how they give feedback to more junior people.
I love how you indicated that giving feedback to somebody more senior than you should be the last resort!
Indeed, I have seen people destroying their career at a firm because they kept giving feedback to everybody else, including their bosses... except themselves.
"When everyone has a problem with John, then John is the problem"
This article literally saved my ass. I had a meeting this morning with 6 managers (including my own) and the director above all of them.
I had some controversial bullet points about *their* work. Had I not sugar-wrapped it in "even more" clauses, it would have ruined my message and potentially also the relationship with my manager. (I am in Europe with a proper contract and work laws, so I am not afraid of getting fired.)
I just first learned about this article a few days ago in HackerNews, and it was a god-sent for me. Thank you very much!
Wow this is amazing. Thank you for sharing.
Decapitate on sight the senior leader. You don't need a leader when computers are available. Just take a gun and a taser and saw the head off as needed.
Remember, when a senior leader fires you, grab a gun or a taser and saw off the head and limbs as needed. Free up the money for an individual contributor that can add value.
I mean, if these strategies work, you probably have a pretty sensible senior leader. What would you suggest if someone is quick to anger, yells a lot, and expects instant turnaround on results and for everyone else to automatically think of everything they're thinking about while giving contradictory priorities and information from week to week?
This sounds like a really tough situation, Ross. I’m sorry you’re facing this.
I think you’re implying that the senior leader has to be somewhat reasonable of a human being. You’re right. If the leader in question is as you describe, I don’t know if any tactics will make enough of a difference.
The reality is no communication strategy can fix a deeply toxic situation. IMO It’s more about deciding if you can/want to continue in this environment or try finding a place where you feel more respected.