Prepare go-to phrases to insert yourself in meetings, ask a colleague to keep you accountable, and other tactics I personally use to get myself to speak up.
The bathroom story is the one that landed. Not because it is unusual but because most introverts will recognise exactly that calculation choosing discomfort to avoid attention.
The six tactics are genuinely useful and the decide before the meeting starts one is the most important because it removes the in-the-moment cognitive load entirely.
What I want to add is the observation underneath all of them. These tactics help introverts adapt to rooms that were not designed for them. Most meeting structures reward thinking out loud, speaking first, filling silence. These are not neutral formats. They were built by and for a particular kind of thinker, and they systematically surface certain kinds of ideas while burying others.
The introvert who speaks after thinking has often thought harder about what they are about to say than the person who spoke immediately. That does not show up in most meeting cultures as a feature. It shows up as hesitancy.
The second point sounds easy but it is so critical: speak early in a meeting. This was a breakthrough for me during my MBA. I found myself not contributing at all unless I was one of the first to raise my hand early in the class. This also motivated me to ACTUALLY do the assigned reading:)
Thanks Wes for sharing practical, helpful and meaningful ways to improve our communication and presence in meetings:
Fascinating article (I am not a full introvert but I have many clients who are). I loved all of the points but especially 1 - decide to speak. I will certainly pass this on. Thank you for sharing.
The 'prepare phrases in advance' trick is underrated. I recognise myself in this. I think mots introverted leaders aren't actually shy, but they just refuse to say something out loud before it's fully formed in their head. Having a set of go-to phrases removes that 'processing bottleneck' in the moment.
Would love a version of this for us yappers! Being the “personality hire” (tongue in cheek!) is helpful for relationship building at work, but on teams I’m closest to and can let my guard down with, it can just as quickly slip into over editorializing in slack and meetings.
My form of introversion showed up as anxiety, particularly in meetings. This anxiety would sap my focus, attention, energy away from what really mattered in the room.
Gradually over time I flipped my own internal dialogue. I work to build connection and serve the people, team, projects, outcomes around me. Building conviction in these things helps sharpen my confidence to speak up during meetings. Still a work in progress!
A helpful tactic that is quite popular amongst those who I help in behavioural transformation is asking a clarification question rather than asserting something to start with.
Once the question is out, then it often happens that the person feels more comfortable speaking again in the meeting.
So agree with all of this, but particularly love that you mentioned getting good lighting for zoom. Changed the game for me, and the box light was worth every penny.
This is great! I have a stutter so I often prepare myself before speaking, rehearsing what I'm saying so I don't stutter.
I've gotten better at it so most don't notice.
But one of my ways of entering conversations mid stutter is (unfortunately) saying "wait', which then immediately ups the pressure with all heads turning towards me.
I had the exact bathroom story but in a more horrible way. It took me a long way to be more confident and speak up. The most important part to me is to accept myself first, and the rest will come along more naturally.
@Wes Kao This is such a grounded take on something that often gets framed as a personality problem, when it’s really a systems and preparation problem.
What resonated is the shift from “finding courage in the moment” to designing for it beforehand, deciding early, having phrases ready, even creating accountability. That removes so much unnecessary friction.
Also love the reframe that speaking up isn’t just verbal, writing as an artifact is such an underrated way introverts build visibility without forcing themselves into a mold.
Over time, did it start to feel more natural, or is it still something you consciously design for each time?
The bathroom story is the one that landed. Not because it is unusual but because most introverts will recognise exactly that calculation choosing discomfort to avoid attention.
The six tactics are genuinely useful and the decide before the meeting starts one is the most important because it removes the in-the-moment cognitive load entirely.
What I want to add is the observation underneath all of them. These tactics help introverts adapt to rooms that were not designed for them. Most meeting structures reward thinking out loud, speaking first, filling silence. These are not neutral formats. They were built by and for a particular kind of thinker, and they systematically surface certain kinds of ideas while burying others.
The introvert who speaks after thinking has often thought harder about what they are about to say than the person who spoke immediately. That does not show up in most meeting cultures as a feature. It shows up as hesitancy.
The tactics help. The room is still the room.
As an introvert I can relate to a bunch of strategies mentioned. Remote work definitely gives an edge.
The second point sounds easy but it is so critical: speak early in a meeting. This was a breakthrough for me during my MBA. I found myself not contributing at all unless I was one of the first to raise my hand early in the class. This also motivated me to ACTUALLY do the assigned reading:)
Thanks Wes for sharing practical, helpful and meaningful ways to improve our communication and presence in meetings:
Fascinating article (I am not a full introvert but I have many clients who are). I loved all of the points but especially 1 - decide to speak. I will certainly pass this on. Thank you for sharing.
There are some brilliant tips in here! I particularly love the idea of preparing some go-to phrases ahead of the meeting.
The 'prepare phrases in advance' trick is underrated. I recognise myself in this. I think mots introverted leaders aren't actually shy, but they just refuse to say something out loud before it's fully formed in their head. Having a set of go-to phrases removes that 'processing bottleneck' in the moment.
Would love a version of this for us yappers! Being the “personality hire” (tongue in cheek!) is helpful for relationship building at work, but on teams I’m closest to and can let my guard down with, it can just as quickly slip into over editorializing in slack and meetings.
Another gem. Thank you for writing this down.
My form of introversion showed up as anxiety, particularly in meetings. This anxiety would sap my focus, attention, energy away from what really mattered in the room.
Gradually over time I flipped my own internal dialogue. I work to build connection and serve the people, team, projects, outcomes around me. Building conviction in these things helps sharpen my confidence to speak up during meetings. Still a work in progress!
A helpful tactic that is quite popular amongst those who I help in behavioural transformation is asking a clarification question rather than asserting something to start with.
Once the question is out, then it often happens that the person feels more comfortable speaking again in the meeting.
This is pure gold one more time.
So agree with all of this, but particularly love that you mentioned getting good lighting for zoom. Changed the game for me, and the box light was worth every penny.
Once again, you share lucid and wise advice. Thank you!!
Love this! You inspired me to write the extrovert version. Thanks for all your wisdom.
https://coachparin.substack.com/p/extrovert-creates-space
This is great! I have a stutter so I often prepare myself before speaking, rehearsing what I'm saying so I don't stutter.
I've gotten better at it so most don't notice.
But one of my ways of entering conversations mid stutter is (unfortunately) saying "wait', which then immediately ups the pressure with all heads turning towards me.
I had the exact bathroom story but in a more horrible way. It took me a long way to be more confident and speak up. The most important part to me is to accept myself first, and the rest will come along more naturally.
@Wes Kao This is such a grounded take on something that often gets framed as a personality problem, when it’s really a systems and preparation problem.
What resonated is the shift from “finding courage in the moment” to designing for it beforehand, deciding early, having phrases ready, even creating accountability. That removes so much unnecessary friction.
Also love the reframe that speaking up isn’t just verbal, writing as an artifact is such an underrated way introverts build visibility without forcing themselves into a mold.
Over time, did it start to feel more natural, or is it still something you consciously design for each time?