I love this! Funny enough or maybe not much funny, I found myself in comparison race when I read all the things you achieved by 37 because I’m 37 and my achievements looked for a minute much different and less appealing, then I quickly caught myself and remembered all my ‘already’.
Wes, thank you for this perfectly timed post! I'm an engineer and recently started working as a part-time consultant for a 3 person startup, directly working with the CTO. He brought me on because he recently started a new FT job that has eaten away any free time for shipping features, and that's what I've been tasked with. I'm only on my 4th week and have already shipped 2 new features, yet find myself feeling that I'm not moving fast enough or worried that by asking for detailed feedback on my implementation plans, I'm corroding his level of trust in my abilities, but of course this is not true!
"There’s always another rat race if you want to be a rat in a race" is a very good line, and I think it is helpful to recognize that if you find yourself feeling like you're in a rat race, there's part of you that wants it and is creating it!
This piece offers a great lens for comparison complexes. Reorganizing our minds around what success looks like is no easy feat! I believe it's also tied to what we value - and whether or not we also have a skewed perception of that, re: how we place value and what drives us to do so.
This is an amazing reminder, not just in our career, but also our life. I grew up always feeling like “it’s never enough”. Like you said, it’s great when it’s fuel but it can also be a blocker for potential.
You definitely don't have to be in the "rat race" to be happy: you need to make the decision to improve yourself for its own sake. Only then you can liberate yourself from the constant pressure to measure up to external benchmarks.
Assume an "antifragile approach" where every challenge makes you a little stronger, find that intrinsic motivation.
We get to decide what success looks like on our own terms, whether it is developing new skills, building stronger relationships or whatever.
I'm going to butcher it but Marcus Aurelius wrote something like "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way"
As someone who is stepping off the "investment bank marketing" rat race in 10 days - please stop reading my journal. I've decided to step off this race so that I can actually properly re-assess and think about the race I want to join. It certainly feels like I've had myself on a permanent performance improvement plan from the age of 16 (now 36) which is 20 years of self-imposed stress and constantly feeling like my effort is never enough. I'd like to actually enjoy a few of the chunks of cheese I've collected on this race for a bit, while thinking about what will bring me the most enjoyment next. My career coach said something about "following your envy" - why am I comparing myself to this person? What is it about their life or achievements that makes me feel envious? How can I bring more of those things into my next chapter?
Looking back at journals and diaries from 1+ years ago can show you how far you’ve come. Last week, a client accidentally saw her notes in a daily planner from a year ago and was surprised how far she’s come.
It was a beautiful moment of recognition for herself.
Great thought-provoking post, Wes. I've felt this way many times in the past. I still tend to unconsciously do it. It's hard not to compare but I've learnt to put my head down and focus on my goals but also celebrate my wins and my strengths.
Needed to read that 🙏
I love this! Funny enough or maybe not much funny, I found myself in comparison race when I read all the things you achieved by 37 because I’m 37 and my achievements looked for a minute much different and less appealing, then I quickly caught myself and remembered all my ‘already’.
It's like the saying goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side." Or so we think!
Wes, thank you for this perfectly timed post! I'm an engineer and recently started working as a part-time consultant for a 3 person startup, directly working with the CTO. He brought me on because he recently started a new FT job that has eaten away any free time for shipping features, and that's what I've been tasked with. I'm only on my 4th week and have already shipped 2 new features, yet find myself feeling that I'm not moving fast enough or worried that by asking for detailed feedback on my implementation plans, I'm corroding his level of trust in my abilities, but of course this is not true!
I love this line: “Already” is the word for this spring. Yes, please! We need more "already"s Thanks for sharing.
"There’s always another rat race if you want to be a rat in a race" is a very good line, and I think it is helpful to recognize that if you find yourself feeling like you're in a rat race, there's part of you that wants it and is creating it!
Love this. I am my own greatest critic. Thanks for teaching the rubber band technique! Will definitely try applying that.
This piece offers a great lens for comparison complexes. Reorganizing our minds around what success looks like is no easy feat! I believe it's also tied to what we value - and whether or not we also have a skewed perception of that, re: how we place value and what drives us to do so.
Great stuff to ponder!
Fantastic insights as always, Wes. A mentor once told me if you win the rat race, you’re still a rat. We all know what we enjoy and what is bullshit. BS jobs are corrosive to the soul: https://yuribezmenov.substack.com/p/bullshit-jobs-david-graeber-critique
This is an amazing reminder, not just in our career, but also our life. I grew up always feeling like “it’s never enough”. Like you said, it’s great when it’s fuel but it can also be a blocker for potential.
You definitely don't have to be in the "rat race" to be happy: you need to make the decision to improve yourself for its own sake. Only then you can liberate yourself from the constant pressure to measure up to external benchmarks.
Assume an "antifragile approach" where every challenge makes you a little stronger, find that intrinsic motivation.
We get to decide what success looks like on our own terms, whether it is developing new skills, building stronger relationships or whatever.
I'm going to butcher it but Marcus Aurelius wrote something like "The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way"
As someone who is stepping off the "investment bank marketing" rat race in 10 days - please stop reading my journal. I've decided to step off this race so that I can actually properly re-assess and think about the race I want to join. It certainly feels like I've had myself on a permanent performance improvement plan from the age of 16 (now 36) which is 20 years of self-imposed stress and constantly feeling like my effort is never enough. I'd like to actually enjoy a few of the chunks of cheese I've collected on this race for a bit, while thinking about what will bring me the most enjoyment next. My career coach said something about "following your envy" - why am I comparing myself to this person? What is it about their life or achievements that makes me feel envious? How can I bring more of those things into my next chapter?
Looking back at journals and diaries from 1+ years ago can show you how far you’ve come. Last week, a client accidentally saw her notes in a daily planner from a year ago and was surprised how far she’s come.
It was a beautiful moment of recognition for herself.
We all deserve to acknowledge how far we’ve come.
Great thought-provoking post, Wes. I've felt this way many times in the past. I still tend to unconsciously do it. It's hard not to compare but I've learnt to put my head down and focus on my goals but also celebrate my wins and my strengths.