Stop apologizing for reasonable business decisions

Why saying sorry might unintentionally shift the power dynamics

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Read time: 5 minutes

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As a leader, the one thing you are expected to do is make hard decisions.

Unfortunately, most of us are wired to avoid conflict. So when it comes time to communicating these decisions, many leaders subconsciously look for shortcuts that allow us to get this over with as soon as possible.

One of these shortcuts is defaulting to apologizing to smooth things over, while telling yourself the story that you’re being an empathetic, vulnerable leader.

Now, obviously, you should apologize if you did something wrong—you should take accountability.

But there’s a difference between apologizing because you did something wrong vs apologizing because you aren’t sure how else to make this person less upset.

You might be thinking, “What’s the harm? What’s the big deal, Wes?”

This is a bigger deal than you may think because you are unintentionally shifting the power dynamics.

If you apologize when there’s no reason to, you undermine yourself: You let them think they have a moral high ground, when they don’t. They feel justified in being upset, when they shouldn’t.

You kick off a vicious cycle:

1. You share the negative news and apologize for something totally reasonable.

2. Recipient feels bad and freaks out.

3. In an effort to empathize, you apologize more, saying you know this isn’t what they wanted to hear, and try to be supportive.

4. They feel like you’ve wronged them. You don’t offer any evidence to the contrary.

5. They forgive you, grudgingly, but now there’s an unspoken understanding that you “owe” them.

6. You need to make things right. You are in a hole—a hole you created for yourself.

Over time, you reduce trust because your recipient incorrectly believes you’ve wronged them. Because of this, they are now less likely to listen to you or give their buy-in. This makes things more difficult for you the next time you have to deliver bad news.

When you take the shortcut of using an apology, you might lessen the temporary discomfort in front of you, but you actually build resentment in the long term. You win the battle, but lose the war.

This is why it’s important to learn how to be firm, logical, and respectful.

For example, let’s say your team works with a group of contractors. The contractors had a few quarters of X hours/month, so you’re worried they’ll become upset when they hear that next quarter, their hours will be decreased.

🚫 “Unfortunately, we have to reduce your hours next quarter. I’m so sorry about this. The product team made this change and now we’re dealing with the fallout. I really wish we could give you more work and I feel terrible.”

Why this doesn’t work:

• The “unfortunately” starts with emotional signposting that’s negative.

• You explain the decrease in hours by throwing another team under the bus, which makes your company look bad.

• You try to empathize by apologizing and saying you feel terrible.

✅ “I wanted to share an update about hours next quarter. As you know, contractor hours flex with business needs and we’re projecting we’ll need fewer hours next quarter. I wanted to keep you in the loop so you can plan your schedules accordingly. Happy to answer any questions. If the new schedule doesn’t work for you, I totally understand, so let me know. Thanks for being a fantastic partner, and we look forward to continuing to work with you.”

Why this works:

• You reminded contractors of the terms they agreed to.

• The framing is less about “we can’t do X, we’re sorry” and more about selling the news to your recipient: “keeping you in the loop,” “plan your schedules accordingly,” etc all focused on the recipient’s needs.

• It’s easy to veer into passive-aggressive territory if you overdo it with the per-my-last-email energy. But this well-placed “as you know” is balanced out by the rest of the note.

• The reply is direct, logical, and positive. You remind your recipient of their agency.

To clarify, this is not about simply omitting or swapping out the word “sorry.” It’s about changing your underlying positioning from being apologetic, to sharing solid rationale that helps your recipient understand the situation.

What to do today

When you need to share news your recipient won’t want to hear, don’t default to apologizing. Instead, consider how you can share context that shows why your decision is reasonable.

Ask yourself:

• Am I apologizing because I did something wrong, or because I’m not sure how to communicate this news with my recipient?

• Instead of apologizing, how might I share context on the decision, so they better understand the “why” behind it?

• How might I frame the news so they have a right-sized reaction?

Your recipient might still be upset. But when you communicate well, they’re more likely to have an accurate view of the situation and receive the news well.

Have you felt the urge to apologize simply so your recipient won’t be upset? Hit reply because I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next Wednesday at 8am ET.

Wes

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