Here are phrases I often use when sharing feedback because it makes it easier for me to speak openly and quickly, and encourages my recipient to take action.
This was extremely helpful. I’m a process improvement specialist, and I am in many meetings where I have to give feedback, agree/disagree with claims, or raise other points, etc. I sometimes struggle with how to give feedback without dismissing the value and/or validity of other’s ideas. Today, I used the “at the same time” phrase and thought it went well. Thanks again for your clear writing and practical examples. It has been a habit for me to read one essay a day, and I have learned so much so far. You write about specific things that people are thinking but not often mentioned in books.
Yes both. Actions and language reflect our decision making, judgment, confidence level, etc. If you think about how a typical junior person acts vs a typical senior person, that’s a good start to consider potential differences.
Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining industry line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
I apologize for coming off as a contrarian, but for years and years, I preached the value of feedback to my leadership clients. I used the Situation Behaviour Impact model taught through the Center for Creative Leadership...I am here to say we should all allow feedback to die a long-deserved death.
Perhaps the Biggest problem with giving feedback is that it assumes that somehow I, as the giver of feedback, am ultra-prescient in my ability to judge you, the receiver of feedback.
Scientific studies have proven more often than not, this is not the case.
Truly, when we give feedback, it tells us more about us than the person receiving our feedback.
The problem is that there is not a single 'good set' to which we can compare people and discuss their gaps.
Everyone is unique, and indeed, their uniqueness is their superpower. We don't want our teams to be more like each other; we want them to be strongly honest about who they are as unique individuals.
Instead of giving them feedback, we should share our reactions to their performance with them.
Share what pulled us in and what pushed us back. Encourage them to find more ways of doing what pulled us in while they try to do less of what drove us away. Respect their learning process by telling them where we were moved and giving abundant, rich details so they can figure out how to do it again.
So insightful and it can be a chapter in the book of "nonviolent communication"
These are really solid, actionable, small changes that will help people communicate better.
I am eager to start using “At the same time” since a lot of my job requires making trade offs.
I love that you contrasted what to say with what not to say. I will be saving this article for future reference. Thank you!
This was extremely helpful. I’m a process improvement specialist, and I am in many meetings where I have to give feedback, agree/disagree with claims, or raise other points, etc. I sometimes struggle with how to give feedback without dismissing the value and/or validity of other’s ideas. Today, I used the “at the same time” phrase and thought it went well. Thanks again for your clear writing and practical examples. It has been a habit for me to read one essay a day, and I have learned so much so far. You write about specific things that people are thinking but not often mentioned in books.
You made my day, Ronald. Thank you for being here and learning together.
Excellent phrase offerings. Lots of utility can be integrated into discussions with peers and other stakeholders. Much appreciated!
As always this is so great!
Great post Wes. Curious if you can elaborate on what “coming off junior” looks like specifically? Is it in action and language?
Yes both. Actions and language reflect our decision making, judgment, confidence level, etc. If you think about how a typical junior person acts vs a typical senior person, that’s a good start to consider potential differences.
Thanks Wes. Thinking of a junior employee and executive paints a perfect picture.
Super specific and helpful advice!
Love this list, great examples that are super relevant for me right now. Thanks Wes!!
Love this! I’m Harrison, an ex fine dining industry line cook. My stack "The Secret Ingredient" adapts hit restaurant recipes (mostly NYC and L.A.) for easy home cooking.
check us out:
https://thesecretingredient.substack.com
I apologize for coming off as a contrarian, but for years and years, I preached the value of feedback to my leadership clients. I used the Situation Behaviour Impact model taught through the Center for Creative Leadership...I am here to say we should all allow feedback to die a long-deserved death.
Perhaps the Biggest problem with giving feedback is that it assumes that somehow I, as the giver of feedback, am ultra-prescient in my ability to judge you, the receiver of feedback.
Scientific studies have proven more often than not, this is not the case.
Truly, when we give feedback, it tells us more about us than the person receiving our feedback.
The problem is that there is not a single 'good set' to which we can compare people and discuss their gaps.
Everyone is unique, and indeed, their uniqueness is their superpower. We don't want our teams to be more like each other; we want them to be strongly honest about who they are as unique individuals.
Instead of giving them feedback, we should share our reactions to their performance with them.
Share what pulled us in and what pushed us back. Encourage them to find more ways of doing what pulled us in while they try to do less of what drove us away. Respect their learning process by telling them where we were moved and giving abundant, rich details so they can figure out how to do it again.
https://www.adp.com/spark/articles/2019/03/how-to-escape-the-feedback-fallacy.aspx