This is great - thanks for sharing. I went into a step study because of my anger issues and then went straight into therapy from there. I'm so much more calm today. I still have those knee jerk reactions from time to time, and I'm much faster and bringing myself down and apologizing for my behavior.
Thank you for sharing this and being open about your experience! Anger feels like something everyone must experience but then also feels like I’m the only one. I picked up the book, “Never Get Angry Again” when I was reading a ton of self help in 2022 and I really felt like it was one of the most impactful books I read. My takeaway was that a lot of my own anger was rooted in a lack of self confidence due to a lack of action. I changed so much because of it!
This made me laugh, “I even mailed the book to a relative and ex-boyfriend because I genuinely thought it would help them. To the surprise of no one, I didn’t hear back from either.”
That sounds like a worthwhile book, thanks for sharing Michelle. Anger is a normal emotion, not one we should stifle or would work if we tried to stifle. That's why IMO it's so valuable to learn how to manage it when it does come up. Also glad that line made you chuckle. :]
Thanks Wes for the lovely article, book recommendation, and relevant pictures :)
Narrating a positive experience when I lashed out at a senior VP in the first 3 months of my job. It was not a great behavior from my side...but it happened! At this time, I was a manager at a large tech services company and on a time critical client project. The senior VP of sales have been troubling the team for a few days and it came to a point where he asked why I was hired for this project. I lashed out and what followed was a 15 min heated talk...both ways. After this incident, he mellowed down for the later part of the project and didn't trouble much. The project was a huge success and received the company's annual award. My boss never asked me for an explanation even after receiving an escalation :)
Thank you for highlighting the often overlooked yet crucial aspect of anger management in leadership. Your insightful exploration of anger's subtle manifestations and their impact on team dynamics resonates deeply. Your personal journey and recommendation of Dr. Alice Katz's book underscore the transformative power of emotional awareness in leadership. This candid discussion encourages leaders to invest in self-awareness and emotional regulation for fostering healthier work environments.
Sometimes I wonder if throwing the mug and pounding the table was more healthy in the long run. Now we all just stuff it and use passive-aggressive torture tactics.
It can be good to quickly express the anger in the moment, control oneself, then move on. Not so far as vein-popping bursts of rage, but a quick "WTF WERE YOU THINKING CHUCK!" can help everyone quite a lot.
Wes, the timing of your article couldn't be better. We are reading an anger management book for kids with our children that highlights the importance of learning these skills early. As you point out, too many adults in the workplace have never figured it out.
The author suggests substituting "hot" thoughts with "cool" ones to keep us from slipping into the downward spiral of angry assumptions. I've noticed how easy this is at work, like interpreting a criticism as a personal attack. Giving people the benefit of the doubt - i.e., this person's criticism may be valid - is a hard habit to develop but is a mindset shift I'm committed to working on this year.
I can resonate with this story very much. I used to struggle to separate between what's going on in my life, and work. I came with all the negative emotions to work (anger, fear ... etc.)
We are humans after all. Only when I realised this simple fact, and acknowledged my emotions, did I start to process my anger much more clearly and efficiently. I started to deal with my anger/fear emotions much more effectively. Before I go to work the next day.
Which reflected very much on my professional life.
I think mastering the art of dealing with negative emotions is key part of how both our personal and professional lives develop.
Thanks for sharing this Wes, it starts with being aware of your feelings. I remember earlier on in my career, the hidden costs are real. Self-awareness allows us to lead with compassion. Investing in understanding our emotions builds trust and relationships.
My skip asked all his leaders to read Leadership and Self-Deception last month. I expect it’ll be life changing when I grok it in full. Still journaling the impact for me. Your rec will go on the TBR pile for this year--seems like it’ll have a similar vibe. Thanks. 💝
This is great - thanks for sharing. I went into a step study because of my anger issues and then went straight into therapy from there. I'm so much more calm today. I still have those knee jerk reactions from time to time, and I'm much faster and bringing myself down and apologizing for my behavior.
This is inspiring, thank you for sharing @RagginDragon
Thank you for sharing this and being open about your experience! Anger feels like something everyone must experience but then also feels like I’m the only one. I picked up the book, “Never Get Angry Again” when I was reading a ton of self help in 2022 and I really felt like it was one of the most impactful books I read. My takeaway was that a lot of my own anger was rooted in a lack of self confidence due to a lack of action. I changed so much because of it!
This made me laugh, “I even mailed the book to a relative and ex-boyfriend because I genuinely thought it would help them. To the surprise of no one, I didn’t hear back from either.”
That sounds like a worthwhile book, thanks for sharing Michelle. Anger is a normal emotion, not one we should stifle or would work if we tried to stifle. That's why IMO it's so valuable to learn how to manage it when it does come up. Also glad that line made you chuckle. :]
"I want to close by saying that reading about anger management isn't admitting to yourself that you have anger issues, and even if it is, who cares?"
I love this statement Wes. I feel the same when I pick up books on building better relationships with friends, family, co-workers, and loved ones.
I used to be cognizant of what others would think but who cares
Relationships are important to me and not reading more about the topic is hubris.
I don't know everything there is to know about relationships & I wasn't born knowing it.
Adding more anger management books to my list!
Thanks Wes for the lovely article, book recommendation, and relevant pictures :)
Narrating a positive experience when I lashed out at a senior VP in the first 3 months of my job. It was not a great behavior from my side...but it happened! At this time, I was a manager at a large tech services company and on a time critical client project. The senior VP of sales have been troubling the team for a few days and it came to a point where he asked why I was hired for this project. I lashed out and what followed was a 15 min heated talk...both ways. After this incident, he mellowed down for the later part of the project and didn't trouble much. The project was a huge success and received the company's annual award. My boss never asked me for an explanation even after receiving an escalation :)
Thank you for highlighting the often overlooked yet crucial aspect of anger management in leadership. Your insightful exploration of anger's subtle manifestations and their impact on team dynamics resonates deeply. Your personal journey and recommendation of Dr. Alice Katz's book underscore the transformative power of emotional awareness in leadership. This candid discussion encourages leaders to invest in self-awareness and emotional regulation for fostering healthier work environments.
Sometimes I wonder if throwing the mug and pounding the table was more healthy in the long run. Now we all just stuff it and use passive-aggressive torture tactics.
It can be good to quickly express the anger in the moment, control oneself, then move on. Not so far as vein-popping bursts of rage, but a quick "WTF WERE YOU THINKING CHUCK!" can help everyone quite a lot.
Wes, the timing of your article couldn't be better. We are reading an anger management book for kids with our children that highlights the importance of learning these skills early. As you point out, too many adults in the workplace have never figured it out.
The author suggests substituting "hot" thoughts with "cool" ones to keep us from slipping into the downward spiral of angry assumptions. I've noticed how easy this is at work, like interpreting a criticism as a personal attack. Giving people the benefit of the doubt - i.e., this person's criticism may be valid - is a hard habit to develop but is a mindset shift I'm committed to working on this year.
Story enjoyed as always!
I can resonate with this story very much. I used to struggle to separate between what's going on in my life, and work. I came with all the negative emotions to work (anger, fear ... etc.)
We are humans after all. Only when I realised this simple fact, and acknowledged my emotions, did I start to process my anger much more clearly and efficiently. I started to deal with my anger/fear emotions much more effectively. Before I go to work the next day.
Which reflected very much on my professional life.
I think mastering the art of dealing with negative emotions is key part of how both our personal and professional lives develop.
I've written some insights about this recently from three of the greatest books I read (thinking fast and slow, how emotions are made, and the chimp paradox): https://medium.com/@basmataha/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-emotions-f14cc5222165?sk=a5025184b88bd83214ce420916558bff
Thanks for sharing you personal experience, Wes!
Another great post!
I totally agree with the point that we need to work on our emotional regulation for our own sake and not for others.
Thanks for sharing this Wes, it starts with being aware of your feelings. I remember earlier on in my career, the hidden costs are real. Self-awareness allows us to lead with compassion. Investing in understanding our emotions builds trust and relationships.
My skip asked all his leaders to read Leadership and Self-Deception last month. I expect it’ll be life changing when I grok it in full. Still journaling the impact for me. Your rec will go on the TBR pile for this year--seems like it’ll have a similar vibe. Thanks. 💝
The book is not available on Amazon 🙏
Very interesting, thanks for sharing John. What was it like to work with him? How do you think you changed from learning anger management?