Words can encourage or discourage divergent thinking. Use language that accurately reflects your level of certainty, so you don't make overly-bold statements you can't stand behind.
I’m guilty of the ‘over confident’ tendency, and until a few years ago I didn’t even know it annoyed people.
Then one day we were waiting for a bus with a friend. 2 buses arrived, numbers 40 and 240. He said “let’s get number 40, that’s my usual one”, but I insisted: “240 will get us there faster”.
He listened to me. Turns out 240 was not even in the right direction...
I laughed about it, but he said seriously: “you know Anton, you do that A LOT. You are very sure about every thing. Most of the time you are right, but in the 10% you are wrong, it’s very annoying. If you had given me even a little clue you are not 100% sure, I would have insisted on my opinion”.
Since then I try hard to re-evaluate my confindence in things before I speak, and put in proper caveats.
Wow I love this story so much, Anton. This is not the first time I’ve thought this when reading your comments either! You really bring it with excellent examples. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks Wes! Somehow your articles touch on key moments I've experienced, it feels like I'm following the same journey you went through, just a few steps behind :)
I found this post incredibly insightful, especially the list of nuance words. Throughout my career, I've often been advised to be direct and avoid "wishy-washy" language, but your perspective on using more nuanced expressions, particularly in feedback situations, really resonated with me.
The comparison between overly broad statements and more nuanced ones was eye-opening. I can see how phrases like "might want to consider" or "in my experience" can actually make feedback more effective by encouraging open dialogue rather than sounding prescriptive.
Your point about speaking accurately to reflect our level of certainty is something I'll definitely keep in mind going forward. It's a great reminder that effective communication isn't just about being concise, but also about being precise and thoughtful in our word choices.
Thanks for challenging the conventional wisdom and providing a fresh perspective on how we can communicate more effectively, especially in professional settings. This post has given me a lot to think about and apply in my own interactions.
IMO Most books on communication are too basic for more experienced operators. I would look into books on sales, influence, copywriting, negotiation, etc to build your toolkit with more nuance.
"Have you worked with someone who speaks in absolutes or sweeping statements?"
Me, I do this.
I usually speak with confidence. Especially in areas I have experience and clear thinking.
But your point still stands.
Recently my business partner sent me a text at night asking about a particular product nomenclature to use, some of it would overlap previous codes. She also suggested a modified version.
My quick and confident answer was to reuse the one we had, no need for new.
When she asked about the overlap I said it wasn't a problem (because it isn't in this case), and I said these codes are not shown on the product packaging anyway.
That's when she went ballistic on me. With things like "this is not for the product packaging, I am talking about the shipping cartons and the potential issues with the platform". Wow, too much energy late in the evening.
While she was correct that I missed her mention of the cartons and I mistakenly thought about the product packaging, this was immaterial to the question and the answer. But she decided to focus on that less/not significant part (a common occurrence but a topic for another day).
That's when she said:
"You always say everything with such confidence. But how can I trust you if you don't understand my question?"
The next morning, I thought about that a lot.
Your article could've helped a lot that day, to realize I didn't use accurate language: tone and language.
I could have added words from both lists: nuance and broad-strokes.
In the end the answer was correct and we ended up doing exactly that: Reuse the codes, it was fine.
Since then I think about how to explain things appropriately.
My concise style is not something everybody is used to, or understand. While I don't want to give dissertations for every thing I do have to realize that what is clear in my head is not clear on others. And vice versa.
Great post Wes.
I’m guilty of the ‘over confident’ tendency, and until a few years ago I didn’t even know it annoyed people.
Then one day we were waiting for a bus with a friend. 2 buses arrived, numbers 40 and 240. He said “let’s get number 40, that’s my usual one”, but I insisted: “240 will get us there faster”.
He listened to me. Turns out 240 was not even in the right direction...
I laughed about it, but he said seriously: “you know Anton, you do that A LOT. You are very sure about every thing. Most of the time you are right, but in the 10% you are wrong, it’s very annoying. If you had given me even a little clue you are not 100% sure, I would have insisted on my opinion”.
Since then I try hard to re-evaluate my confindence in things before I speak, and put in proper caveats.
Wow I love this story so much, Anton. This is not the first time I’ve thought this when reading your comments either! You really bring it with excellent examples. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks Wes! Somehow your articles touch on key moments I've experienced, it feels like I'm following the same journey you went through, just a few steps behind :)
I found this post incredibly insightful, especially the list of nuance words. Throughout my career, I've often been advised to be direct and avoid "wishy-washy" language, but your perspective on using more nuanced expressions, particularly in feedback situations, really resonated with me.
The comparison between overly broad statements and more nuanced ones was eye-opening. I can see how phrases like "might want to consider" or "in my experience" can actually make feedback more effective by encouraging open dialogue rather than sounding prescriptive.
Your point about speaking accurately to reflect our level of certainty is something I'll definitely keep in mind going forward. It's a great reminder that effective communication isn't just about being concise, but also about being precise and thoughtful in our word choices.
Thanks for challenging the conventional wisdom and providing a fresh perspective on how we can communicate more effectively, especially in professional settings. This post has given me a lot to think about and apply in my own interactions.
Loved your thoughtful reflections Simon! Thank you for sharing. You made my day.
Spot on! I like how you highlighted the tradeoff between sounding confident vs clarifying one's uncertainty in a statement.
I particularly like the example about the giving feedback scenario. A saying that changed my outlook is
"People don't remember what you said or did for them. They remember how you made them feel" - Maya Angelou
This is really good advice. I hope I'll be able to remember this when I need it. Nice article!
This content is incredibly helpful! Thank you
This is great advice in all communication situations, not just work! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Wes! I was introduced to you by Aurora. Love your writing and topics. Are there any books you recommend for improving communication skills?
IMO Most books on communication are too basic for more experienced operators. I would look into books on sales, influence, copywriting, negotiation, etc to build your toolkit with more nuance.
Thanks for your feedback Wes! Looking forward to getting more info on your class.
Absolutely Hubert. Course details here: https://maven.com/wes-kao/executive-communication-influence
Your content is always gold! Amazing newsletter!
Saving this! Thanks for sharing examples and actionable advice.
Spot on! It drives me insane when people generalize and speak in absolutes! Thanks for this Wes.
"Have you worked with someone who speaks in absolutes or sweeping statements?"
Me, I do this.
I usually speak with confidence. Especially in areas I have experience and clear thinking.
But your point still stands.
Recently my business partner sent me a text at night asking about a particular product nomenclature to use, some of it would overlap previous codes. She also suggested a modified version.
My quick and confident answer was to reuse the one we had, no need for new.
When she asked about the overlap I said it wasn't a problem (because it isn't in this case), and I said these codes are not shown on the product packaging anyway.
That's when she went ballistic on me. With things like "this is not for the product packaging, I am talking about the shipping cartons and the potential issues with the platform". Wow, too much energy late in the evening.
While she was correct that I missed her mention of the cartons and I mistakenly thought about the product packaging, this was immaterial to the question and the answer. But she decided to focus on that less/not significant part (a common occurrence but a topic for another day).
That's when she said:
"You always say everything with such confidence. But how can I trust you if you don't understand my question?"
The next morning, I thought about that a lot.
Your article could've helped a lot that day, to realize I didn't use accurate language: tone and language.
I could have added words from both lists: nuance and broad-strokes.
In the end the answer was correct and we ended up doing exactly that: Reuse the codes, it was fine.
Since then I think about how to explain things appropriately.
My concise style is not something everybody is used to, or understand. While I don't want to give dissertations for every thing I do have to realize that what is clear in my head is not clear on others. And vice versa.
Delivery matters: tone and words.
Thanks Wes.