Tone and words: Use accurate language

Words can encourage or discourage divergent thinking. Use language that accurately reflects your level of certainty, so you don't make overly broad statements you can't stand behind.

👋 Hey, it’s Wes. Welcome to my weekly newsletter on managing up, career growth, and standing out as a high-performer. I originally published a version of this essay in June 2020, and have since expanded the post. Enjoy.

Read time: 7 minutes

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You make decisions, allocate resources, and make plans—all based on words.

This is why it’s important that your language accurately reflects a few things:

• Intent

• Meaning

• Severity

• Level of certainty

• Stakes

• Power dynamics

One of my pet peeves: People who are overly confident when they speak. They make broad, sweeping statements, but don’t have evidence to back up their claims.

The opposite can also be true: Folks who caveat everything, and add statements like “but you don’t have to listen to me, you can do whatever you want,” on areas where they have expertise.

That’s not helpful either.

The goal is to be accurate with your communication. If you have strong evidence of the right approach, you can and should speak confidently.

If you’re batting around options, brainstorming, or figuring out what you think, be honest about this. Don’t make a hypothesis sound like a fact.

When you speak accurately, your audience can trust what you’re saying.

1. Words can encourage or discourage divergent thinking.

When managers speak too prescriptively, teams are less likely to push back.

🚫 “We should do X, Y, and Z. [Goes on at length about why we must do this.] What do you think?”

✅ “We might want to try X, Y, and Z. These are a few ideas, but I’m not stuck on any of them. What do you think? Where do you agree and disagree?”

Many leaders want their teams to push back more. But only saying “I want you to push back” doesn’t work.

If you really want to encourage healthy dissent, you have to show that you mean it.

A simple way to do this is to speak with an accurate level of conviction. If you are riffing out loud, show that you’re not 100% sure either. Be explicit and invite others to point out where they see things differently.

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2. What's the cost of being wrong?

Conventional wisdom says to avoid saying “I think” because it makes you sound less confident.

I partially agree.

On one hand, there are definitely times you can remove “I think” to make your communication stronger. I had a colleague who set a personal challenge for himself to remove “I think” from his speech and writing as much as possible. This helped me realize I was often using the phrase as a crutch myself.

On the other hand, whether or not you say “I think” isn’t the point—the point is to speak accurately about your level of conviction. Saying “I think” is so commonly used (and misused) that it doesn’t really show that you are still working through your logic.

There are better ways to signal that your ideas are a work in progress, and it’s by being more explicit:

🚫 “I think we should X.” 

✅ “I’m still working through a few ideas. My initial hunch is we should X.”

If you aren’t sure what you’re talking about, but the stakes are low, there are no repercussions if you act 100% certain. This is why Twitter/X is littered with hot takes. No one is going to come after you if you’re wrong.

On the other hand, it’s irresponsible (and potentially dangerous) to sound overly confident if your manager and organization are counting on your input to make a $50,000 decision.

I’m sure there are decisions that cost this much (or more) that you are regularly part of in your role today.

Speaking accurately was a big part of our office culture at the altMBA/Seth Godin HQ. While we wanted everyone to feel comfortable making assertions, we didn’t want folks to pretend they were sure when they weren’t.

Think about it this way:

If you tell me you’ve handled a project like this dozens of times, I’m going to have certain expectations about the quality and outcomes.

If you tell me you know how to handle certain aspects, but not others, we can work through key questions together. I can help vet your thinking.

Either is okay—I just want to know what I’m getting myself into. And I do not want to be misled.

3. Choose words that reflect your level of certainty.

“This will X.”

Versus

“This tends to X.”

These two statements are not the same.

It’s a red flag for me if someone doesn’t realize the difference, or believes the difference is trivial. When people talk in absolutes, it makes me wonder if they realize most situations aren’t binary.

If you aggrandize, I have to adjust everything you say on a curve. Why put this burden on your listener? I want to work with people who see and speak with nuance.

If you speak accurately, your colleagues can trust you more easily. If and when you sound certain, your words will carry more weight.

4. Accurate, specific statements are more helpful.

When you might not have the full story, using words like might, could, and consider show you have the humility and self-awareness to realize this.

This useful when you’re giving constructive feedback. All constructive feedback is inherently a bit jarring for a recipient to hear, purely because it’s pointing out areas of weakness. When you make overly broad claims, your recipient is more likely to reject your feedback (if not outwardly, then in their own mind).

🚫 Before: “You are [X trait]. This is ineffective because [reason]. You must Z.”

✅ After: “I’ve noticed you tend to do [X behavior]. This might not be as effective because [reason]. If you want to [reach goal], you might want to consider Z.”

The before sounds too certain, too know-it-all. It's giving the vibes of “I (your manager) know you better than you know yourself.”

This is annoying. Whatever feedback you give is likely a way to be more successful, but not THE only way. If you act like it’s the only way, intelligent people will naturally think of exceptions, and reasons this isn’t true.

The after says the same thing, but is more accurate. You’re speaking about behavior you’ve noticed, not stating you know the depths of the person’s psyche.

This comes across as more sincere and shows you’re on the same side, which increases the likelihood your recipient will change their behavior. That’s ultimately the whole point of giving feedback.

You might think, “But Wes, saying ‘this is ineffective’ and ‘you must do Z’ is more direct. It’s more concise. Why can’t I just speak plainly?”

As always, you can do whatever you want, if you’re intentional about it and aware of the trade-offs.

But I want to be clear: Both versions are direct.

One version is direct but kind of makes you seem like an asshole. The other version is equally direct, and comes across as more sincere and collaborative.

List of words/phrases

The best way to improve the accuracy of what you’re saying is to think about the content itself. But if you’re looking for a general list of words that can help, check out the below.

• If you tend to speak in overly broad strokes, add words from the first list.

• If you tend to sound too uncertain and doubtful, add words from the second list.

Words to add nuance

• consider

• might

• could

• suggest

• seem

• can, can be

• might seem

• try

• probably

• likely

• in general

• have you thought about…

• might want to try…

• might want to avoid...

• one way you could do it is...

• in my experience…

• how do you see it?

• that’s one way, and another way is…

• my initial reaction is…

• “a” versus “the” (“this is A way to do it” versus “this is THE way to do it”)

• almost always / almost never (instead of “always” or “never”)

• my point of view is…

Broad-strokes words

In delicate situations, or when giving constructive feedback, you may want to use these words sparingly because they’re heavier-handed and more extreme.

• should

• do this

• it’s like this

• must

• this is THE reason why we are X

• we’re here to do X

• never

• only

• always

Make sure you support your claims with evidence. For example, don’t say “We must X” and leave it at that. That’s not convincing. You’ll be more effective if you say that AND share the “why,” i.e. your thought process and reasoning.

Also, none of these words are inherently bad. They are neutral and serve a purpose in our vernacular. For example, I use “should”—I just balance it to reflect my meaning and intent.

To recap:

Use words that accurately reflect what you mean. The benefit is fewer misunderstandings, more trust in your word, feedback that’s well received, and more productive conversations that help you and your team arrive at a good decision.

Have you worked with someone who speaks in absolutes or sweeping statements? Does it annoy you as much as it annoys me? Kidding. :] If this post is making you think differently, hit reply because I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next Wednesday at 8am ET.

Wes

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