Why "'no' is a complete sentence" is dangerous advice

If your colleague asks you to do a reasonable request that’s part of your job, and you simply turn say “no”... You are the jerk.

👋 Hey, it’s Wes. Welcome to my bi-weekly newsletter on managing up, leading teams, and standing out as a high performer. For more, check out my intensive course on Executive Communication & Influence for Senior ICs and Managers. Note: The October cohort is 70% full and will be the last cohort of the year.

⛑️ If you’re looking to dramatically improve your communication and leadership, I typically work with tech leaders on: managing up to a CEO/SVP, advocating for your ideas, and strengthening your executive communication/presence. If you’re interested in how I can support you, learn more about my coaching approach .

Read time: 8 minutes

There's a popular saying that “‘no’ is a complete sentence,” and I would categorize this under “advice that sounds good in theory but is dangerous in practice.”

I appreciate the sentiment, which is meant to help empower people to set boundaries. I’m all for setting boundaries. But I find a lot of advice around this topic is too black and white, and I’m afraid people will take the advice literally and get themselves into trouble.

Straight up saying “no” might work in some settings, but in my experience, it can sound too harsh in many workplace cultures.

If your colleague has LEGITIMATE BUSINESS REASONS to ask you to do X, and you simply turn around and say “no,” you will sound like a jerk.

Even if your colleague has no grounds to be asking, you may still want to say “no” more politely.

Doing otherwise has a cost, which is that you come across like the bad guy…even when you’re not.

Part I: Power dynamics and validity of the request

I posted about this on LinkedIn, and a reader said (paraphrased), “You have to use flowery language for corporate, but in startups, it’s sufficient to say ‘sorry man, I can’t.”

As someone who’s spent 15+ in startups, I disagree that “sorry I can’t” is enough for most situations.

I would argue the two variables to take into account are:

1. Your power dynamics with the individual

2. The legitimacy of the business request

How valid is the request?

If a stranger is emailing you asking to pick your brain for free, you don’t owe them an explanation for saying no. You don’t even owe them a response.

But if your coworker is asking you to do your part in a project because it’s your job, you actually do owe them an explanation.

Think of how weird and confusing this would be if we all declined work requests without sharing our rationale:

Marketer: Hey design counterpart, could you design this infographic for our launch campaign?

Designer: No.

Marketer: Oh…okay. Um, You’re our brand designer, and part of your role is literally to design assets for marketing though?

Designer: *Shrugs*

Marketer: Could you share why you aren’t able to help? Should I share more context or something?

Designer: I don’t owe you an explanation.

Marketer: …

What are the power dynamics?

If you’re an SVP and an intern asks you to do something that’s clearly low priority, you can easily say no without explanation.

Even then, a 1-2 sentence explanation could be valuable because this is a learning moment for that intern about ROI, how to tell if something is worth doing, etc.

If a fellow SVP or your CEO has a legitimate request for you, you want to tread more lightly. Otherwise, it's understandable if they feel frustrated, confused, or think you're shirking your responsibilities.

Adding 5 seconds of context helps your recipient understand, which is better for everyone.

Part II: How to say no without sounding harsh

Luckily, there are easy ways to say no AND still sound collaborative.

You protect your boundaries, while showing you are a team player who cares about the broader business beyond your individual scope.

The goal is not to be nice for the sake of it. If you seem like a jerk, your coworkers are less likely to help you when you need it… and they may retaliate.

The next time you have a reasonable ask for them, they might say “no” without further explanation, and expect you to deal with it.

Here’s what you can do instead:

1. Focus on what you can do. End on an affirmative.

Use “but” strategically to offer what you can do. The structure is: “I won't be able to do that, but I can do this.”

🚫 “No.”

✅ “I won’t be able to participate, but this sounds like a cool project.”

✅ “I won’t be able to participate, but this sounds like a cool project. Perhaps you could ask X to see if they can help?”

✅ “I won’t be able to take on this project, but if it’s helpful, I can take a quick look to give feedback when you have a first draft.”

More on how to use “but” strategically.

2. Cite trade-offs.

There are trade-offs with every decision. But those trade-offs are often not always top of mind. Make it top of mind for your recipient.

This tactic works best if the person has asked you to do other things.

🚫 “No.”

✅ “I can do [this new task], but it will mean delaying [this other thing you want me to do]. Which do you want to prioritize?”

3. Get more info to make an informed decision.

I’m all for protecting boundaries, but don’t assume your default answer should be no to a request. Try to get more information so you can make an informed decision.

🚫 “No.”

✅ “Could you share more about what this is for?”

Sometimes my answer is then, “Ah okay, I won't be able to do X, but I can do Y, which is actually even more useful for you and will be a faster turnaround time.”

If you understand the context behind their request, you might be able to support them even more effectively.

Or you might realize their original request makes sense as is, and takes precedence over what you’re currently working on.

4. Add “because” to share your rationale.

According to a study done by Harvard researchers in the 1970s, the word “because” makes you more persuasive regardless of the actual reason that you cite.

Instead of only saying “no,” add a “because.”

🚫 “No.”

✅ “No, because our current system won’t allow us to do X so we created a workaround.”

✅ “I won't be able to do that because our team is focusing on [business priority] right now.”

✅ “I'll need to check with [manager] because I’ll need to see if I have bandwidth to add that to my plate given current priorities. Let me get back to you.”

5. Avoid the word “no” altogether.

Notice how in many of the examples above, I avoided saying the word “no” altogether.

This is intentional. “No” can feel inherently more negative, and I can easily say the same thing without that emotional sentiment.

There’s no need to ban a word, though. If someone says “Is there a delay?” I will say “No, there’s no delay.” There’s no need to do mental gymnastics, so use your judgment.

5. Give the benefit of the doubt.

If a coworker is being an asshole or overstepping, I will ramp up my “don’t mess with me” energy. You should use your judgment about who you give the benefit of the doubt to.

But generally, saying “no” without explanation feels too rough for me to realistically say to colleagues I like working with.

If you work with generally competent, well-meaning people, it makes sense to assume they have a reasonable reason for asking.

---

You might think, “Wes, people understand ‘no is a complete sentence’ is not meant to be taken literally.”

TBH I’ve been surprised by how often people take things literally, so it’s worth mentioning out loud. I don't want you to accidentally damage your relationships.

Also, if your initial thought is, “Well Wes, you can't expect me to spend 15 minutes explaining a ‘no’ that should be straightforward.”

We're not talking about 15 minutes. We're talking about 5 seconds. Don’t be dramatic. The extra few seconds gives your teammates context so they can better understand.

I choose to offer my rationale because it helps me AND my counterpart come to a better decision about what's best for the business.

To recap:

1. Focus on what you can do. End on an affirmative.

2. Cite trade-offs.

3. Get more info to make an informed decision.

4. Add “because” to share your rationale.

5. Give the benefit of the doubt.

Which are you most excited to try in your own work? Hit reply because I’d love to hear from you.

Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you in two weeks on Wednesday at 8am ET.

Wes

---

Connect with Wes

• Is this your first time here? Subscribe (it’s free)

• Follow me on LinkedIn for more insights

• Improve your ability to sell your ideas, manage up, gain buy-in, and increase your impact in an intensive 2-day workshop. → See course details

• Learn more about 1:1 coaching to sharpen your executive presence and influence

---

✨ Course update: Last cohort of 2025

The October cohort is 70% full, and will fill up in the next few weeks. The next time the cohort will run is mid-2026, so if you’re interested in the course, you may want to sign up sooner rather than later.

On a related note, a common question I get is, “Can I take the course with my team?”

The answer is yes. Teams at Meta, DailyPay, Shopify, etc have already done the course as a team. In every cohort, there are several teams who participate. The course is designed for groups to take together because it will help you develop shared language and shared expectations.

Here are reviews from the most recent cohort a few weeks ago (August 2025):

“I really loved this course. I have followed Wes for some time and it was great to be able to interact with her and receive actionable feedback on my communication. This course has direct application to my day to day work and I already have so many ideas on how I can improve in my communication.”

- Derek Colvin, Sr Director of Product Management @ Abercrombie & Fitch

“In my 10-year career working in a range of startups and with various types of managers, this has been the most valuable course for being able to create actionable changes to how I communicate straight off the bat. I cannot recommend this course enough - you will gain so much from it, no matter your role, where you sit in your company, and what your communication default is currently.”

- Grace Homer, Content Marketing Manager @ Virtual Internships

“Long-time reader and fan of Wes's newsletter and to be able to take her course live was INCREDIBLE. Such simple frameworks with huge impact. I have a much clearer understanding of my strengths and weaknesses in my communication now. Also, learning from peers in the course was eye-opening to see different styles I can adopt myself. No question—take the course today.”

- Katrina Honer, Corporate Operations Program Manager @ Stanford

“After coming into a role that has a lot more touchpoints with execs and board members, this course has given me the tools (and more confidence) to communicate with these individuals (hopefully with much less anxiety).”

- Zheng Wang, Director, Internal Audit @ Sonos

Great course! So much material, insight and tools packed into two days, most of which is immediately applicable to work. Wes covers a lot of ground from theoretical principles to workshopping Slack messages which was so useful.

- Patrick Bowen, Staff UX Researcher, Google

If you are taking the course with a group of 5+ team members, email me to get the team discount. I hope to see you in class. → Save your spot