Use "but" strategically

“But” is a negating word. Here’s how to use this intentionally, so you sound direct and positive.

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Read time: 5 minutes

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This is Part I of a two-part series. Check out Part II: Nuances when using the “inverted but” technique

I believe the word “but” is unfairly vilified.

There’s common advice that says to swap “but” for “and,” mainly in an attempt to sound more positive.

While this works half the time, “but” and “and” are not actually interchangeable, so there is a limit to how much you can do this. The words have different meanings. When you swap every “but” for “and,” you can end up with logic that doesn’t make sense.

Luckily, there’s no need to remove every instance of “but.”

Today, I want to show you how to use “but” strategically.

I love this technique because it allows me to express my intent more accurately when I’m talking about content that’s inherently “negative.” I’m able to sound positive and speak directly without mincing words.

Here’s the key:

“But” is a negating word. It cancels out whatever comes before it. Most people use a structure of saying, “The positive thing, but the negative thing,” which accidentally cancels out all the positive stuff.

If your manager says, “You are proactive, hard-working, and collaborative, but…” The “but” instantly negates all those positive traits. You’re left wondering “Wait, did they mean any of those nice things?”

We can use “but” strategically by inverting:

Before: “The positive thing, but the negative thing.”

After: “The negative thing, but the positive thing.”

When you do this, you are applying the negating feature of “but” to work in your favor.

Here are examples of this in action:

🚫 “I agree with X, but not sure l agree with Y."

✅ “I'm not sure l agree with Y, but l agree with X.”

^ This ends on what you agree with, which feels more collaborative, even though you’re saying the same thing.

🚫 “The presentation looks good, but there are a few issues.”

✅ “There are a few issues, but overall the presentation looks good.”

^ In the before, you might mean that the presentation is mostly good to go, but the emotional takeaway for your direct report is that there are issues. They might think, No matter what I do, I can’t please my manager. I might be 99%, but my manager still points out the 1%.

In the after, the focus is that the presentation generally looks good. Yes, there are issues to improve on, but those are doable and we’re close to the finish line. This helps your direct report feel recognized.

Note that in both of these examples, you’re speaking directly about areas of improvement. But in the latter, you sound much more positive—which will be more motivating for your team.

A few other examples:

🚫 “That's an interesting idea, but it might be challenging to implement.”

✅ “This might be challenging to implement, but it's an interesting idea.”

🚫 “This looks great, but I won’t be able to participate.”

✅ “I won’t be able to participate, but the event looks like it’ll be amazing.”

🚫 “I like that you did this analysis, but I don’t agree with all of it.”

✅ “I don’t agree with all of your analysis, but I love that you are speaking up and articulating your hunches.”

Why the Inverted But Technique works

First, your recipient’s brain is more likely to focus on the negative parts of what you say, and it’s easy for us to come across as harsher than we intend. So when you “negate” the negative stuff at the beginning of the sentence, you don’t fully negate it. You effectively soften it, so it more accurately reflects your actual sentiment.

Second, ending on the positive, well, feels more positive. After kicking off with your inverted-but sentence, you can give detailed feedback through this more encouraging lens. This engenders goodwill, which creates positive momentum they are likely to take forth into complying with your request. If you frame positively, it will feel lighter and more doable than if you framed it in a critical, heavy way.

Third, many of us don’t speak up out of fear of sounding abrasive or accidentally threatening others. So when I say “negative” in the template for saying the “negative, then positive,” it isn’t only about giving constructive feedback.

It’s equally about disagreeing with colleagues, which can feel just as uncomfortable. I believe having a tactic that allows you to disagree AND sound collaborative, will encourage you to speak up more. This is good for you and your recipient.

Overall, you will be able to express yourself/share your POV, and sound more positive. It’s win-win. And the only change you made was swapping the order of what comes before vs after the “but.”

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A few readers have asked, how does this compare to the “yes, and” technique from improv?

The point of “yes and” is to encourage brainstorming, and create a sense of building on each other’s ideas. But there are times when you want to be clear that you disagree, and simply saying “yes and” can be confusing.

I’ve talked to folks who were hardcore fans of “yes and,” and couldn’t tell if they actually agreed or disagreed with me. It felt a bit like they were using semantics to avoid admitting that they felt differently.

To be clear, I’m a fan of “yes and,” and use it often myself. And (see what I did there), depending on the situation, the “inverted but” (i.e. putting the positive part after the “but”) might be a better option because it allows you to disagree, be clear about what you mean, and sound more positive than if you didn't use it.

Consider the “inverted but” another tool in your toolkit to express what you want to say and increase the chances that your recipient takes it well.

What you can do today

Ask yourself:

• The next time you disagree with a colleague, lead with what you disagree with, then use “but” to highlight what works or where you agree. Notice if this makes you feel more confident sharing the negative part.

• Look out for “but” statements in your meetings and written communication, both from yourself and others. Is the positive or negative part coming after the “but”?

• For your next piece of feedback, draft it both ways. Which version (traditional or inverted) feels more likely to motivate your recipient to take action?

This won’t work for every sentence structure, so you have to use your judgment. But it works for a surprising number of situations.

What’s a recent communication where you could have used the Inverted But Technique?

Hit reply because I’d love to hear from you. Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next Wednesday at 8am ET.

Wes

PS Check out Part II: Use “but” strategically

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