How to get an enthusiastic yes

Most people suck at asking for things. Here's an easy framework for how to ask (and get a yes).

👋 Hey, it’s Wes. Welcome to my weekly newsletter where I share frameworks for becoming a sharper operator, rooted in my experience as an a16z-backed founder. I originally published a version of this essay on March 2019. Since then, I’ve expanded the post. Enjoy.

Read time: 5 minutes

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You and I rarely have enough leverage to get something done by ourselves.

I know, I know. Sometimes, it would be a lot easier if you could use your sheer willpower to push things through. (Believe me, I’ve tried.) But the reality is, we live in an interconnected world and we need other people's cooperation to make change happen.

Having cooperation and support from stakeholders is a game-changer. It means more momentum for your project. More confidence and speed. More energy spent doing great work you're proud of. Less time worrying and trying to convince skeptics.

Here are examples of things you might ask for:

• Warm introduction: “I'd love to meet your friend from X company. Would you be open to making an intro?”

• Driving distribution: “Could you engage and share this on social?”

• Improving your employee’s work: “There were lots of errors in the recent report. Could you be more detailed with these in the future?”

• Getting a job: “I’d be a great fit for you and here’s what I can do.”

• Closing a sale: “It sounds like we're aligned. To move forward….”

This isn’t only for high-stakes situations. You should aim to get an enthusiastic yes in all interactions in your daily work and life:

• Asking to extend a deadline

• Changing a meeting time

• Advocating for more budget

• Suggesting where to meet up with a friend

Notice these are all examples where the other person COULD do what you asked… Or they could ignore you (a polite way to say no). They have a wide range of justifiable responses and you often don’t have the leverage to force them to comply. Positioning your request as a favor isn’t sustainable either.

This can be frustrating, but let’s take a step back.

Why do people say no?

People say no because they don’t see why a situation is beneficial to them. This makes sense—you wouldn’t do something if there’s no upside for you. But too often, when you write or speak, you’re mainly thinking of why an idea is good for you. When in fact, this is the most important time to position why an idea is good for the other person.

The truth is, a lot of your requests—whether it’s for customers, sales leads, acquaintances, or cross-functional team members—are inherently a bit selfish. This is normal: you see the world from your point of view. You are in your own head, looking at the world through your eyes, filtering information as it relates to you.

To counteract your default “me”-centric viewpoint, you have to actively practice and consciously choose to see things from the other person's point of view. Then use those insights to frame and build a business case.

To increase the chances of getting a "yes," try this exercise

Once you’ve drafted your note, ask yourself: What part of this mentions things that mostly benefit me? What parts benefits the other person? Why would they eagerly say yes to this?

Then, do this:

1. Highlight in yellow where you talk about yourself or your company

2. Highlight in green where you talk about your recipient

3. Notice how much of the note is about you vs your recipient

Literally go through, line by line, and highlight the parts that benefit you versus the other person. You might be surprised at how much of your note is self-serving.

Here’s an example of a real client’s note. After the exercise, they were shocked at how their pitch email was entirely about themselves.

I redacted the note to anonymize the details, but you can see how much is about the writer, not the recipient.

This is pretty common for a first draft. The key is to edit so the final version is 90% about the other person, so try to give them at least one reason to say yes to you.

Case study #1: Framing a cold sales pitch

Like anyone who’s been on the internet for more than a minute, I’ve received thousands of cold pitches on every channel. Like you, I ignore most of these pitches. But this one? This is the best sales pitch I’ve ever received.

I loved how this business development person framed their note entirely around their recipient, i.e. me. This was from a few years ago, and a lot of pitch DMs now start with a fake compliment like “love your work” but it’s clear they have no idea what I do.

On the other hand, this note feels like she’s done her research and wants me, specifically, to join their platform. There are a bunch of phrases to appeal to the recipient:

• new fast growing channel

• get recognition for your work

• promote your work even more

• awesome complement to your website articles

• being featured

• help you promote your work even more

The majority of the note is about her audience. She barely mentions the name of their platform, and when she does, it’s through the lens of how her recipient benefits.

In terms of making it super easy for her reader to say yes, at the end of the note, she even says if I don’t want to upload my content onto their platform, she’ll do it for me. Way to take the burden off your prospective customer.

This note was from three years ago, and it was pretty groundbreaking at the time. I annotated the note to train my team at Maven about what an excellent sales pitch looks like—one that doesn’t sound like a tech bro facetiously offering value (“I’ll cut to the chase. Wanna see how we can 5x your growth in ten days? Hit me back and I’ll send what I created for you.”)

The brilliant thing: There are actually only three customized sentences in this whole note, and they’re all in the first paragraph. The rest is boilerplate. How can a note feel so personal with only three customized sentences? The magic is in the boilerplate copy: The boilerplate was laser-focused on the recipient’s needs, so the overall effect is the message feels like it speaks directly to the reader and it's scalable too.

Framing 90% around the other person doesn’t mean you need to spend hours customizing on every sales note. You can do it relatively quickly if you hit on what your reader cares about and would find juicy. Then, writing in a way that sounds human and sincere.

Case study #2: Framing cold DMs

One of my favorite people, Amanda Natividad, VP of Marketing at SparkToro, wrote a LinkedIn post about cold outreach that’s very much in line with the spirit of getting an enthusiastic yes. When most folks do cold outreach, they focus on “why us” to show why they’re relevant to their customers. But it’s equally important to mention “why you” too. Here are her examples:

Agency pitch: “I attended your CEO's talk at a conference recently, and she had a ton of great insights about what’s next in healthcare marketing. It dawned on me that I hadn’t seen her present before. If you’re looking to ramp up speaking opportunities, my agency can help...”

Product pitch: “I saw you tweeted the other day about having trouble replying to all your emails. My team and I created a Gmail extension to help folks like you write templates and set automations to help you save time. Check us out....”

Job application: “I noticed via LinkedIn that you don’t have any content marketers on your team, and that you don’t yet have a blog. If you’re looking to hire in the near future, I’d love to help you change that. I have 5 years of content marketing experience…”

Case study #3: Framing an internal note to your manager

This is a note from a reader who replied to my essay about strategy, not self-expression, a framework on how to position feedback around the behavior you want your recipient to adopt.

I love this example because it’s so simple yet dramatic. This person wanted to get out of a work trip. If he had gone to his manager whining about how he didn’t like traveling, his manager would not have felt moved. Oh, you’re annoyed that work takes you away from leisure time? Cry me a river.

Luckily, he was sharp enough to frame 90% around his manager and their needs. Your manager doesn’t care if you think work is an inconvenience for you. But your manager does care about crucial work projects being put on the back burner and dividing your attention.

The underlying goal was the same: avoid going on a work trip. But because he framed it 90% around his manager, it was the difference between him being perceived as selfish and entitled vs a team player who cares about what’s best for the business.

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If you can’t think of why your recipient would eagerly say yes, go back to the drawing board. Regroup and be glad that you caught yourself before hitting send. Luckily, you still have time to frame your idea in a way that will make the person eager to move forward.

This isn’t only a positioning exercise. Assuming your idea is mutually beneficial, you’re creating tangible value by identifying and surfacing how both parties will benefit from an idea. If that value isn’t surfaced and identified, it’s as if it didn’t exist at all.

Right now, you probably have a situation where you are hoping for a “yes.” You can usually tell what this might be because it’s the email or note you’re procrastinating on.

You’re going to have to ask for it. Show people what they gain, not what you gain. Give them a reason to say yes to you.

Give it a shot and let me know how it goes.

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Thanks for being here,
Wes

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PPS See you next Wednesday at 8am ET. If you want to binge-read, check out these essays:

Super Specific Feedback: How to give actionable feedback on work output

Read your writing in a robot voice

How to on-board yourself when you join a new team