The last thing you say not only leaves a stronger impression, but it also tends to be what drives the conversation forward from there.
However, in my experience, the negative bit is often what demands further discussion ("the presentation is great" can stand alone; "there are a few issues" warrants follow-up).
How do you employ a strategy like this without white washing the discussion and never addressing the negative thing? I often end up with my report walking away positive, but then they don't make the changes I need them to make. Or I end up doubling back to the negative again, and I sound like a harpy.
My 4 year-old kid started using "but" repeatedly as we were conversing. He's using it to get his way. I wish he could read this and learn how to sell his situation, but...
I love this! I find myself saying "...unfortunately..." with some regularity. I'm going to reverse the order and replace "unfortunately" with "but" to end on the positive. It also reminds me of the Peak End Rule (https://lawsofux.com/peak-end-rule/).
I know the focus of this article is different from what I'm about to share, AND what's really interesting is that it came to my inbox the day after I had a couple of therapy sessions in which my clients and I dug into "both/and" versus "but". We talked about the "but" sometimes being really useful in terms of setting boundaries, ensuring clarity, and even taking action. For people with a history of people-pleasing, self-sacrifice or other ways of getting "lost" I think the "but" is an important tool to keep in the mix. AND, "and" is an important one to develop too!
I don't agree with everything, but I loved the article!
Love the intentionality behind this!
The last thing you say not only leaves a stronger impression, but it also tends to be what drives the conversation forward from there.
However, in my experience, the negative bit is often what demands further discussion ("the presentation is great" can stand alone; "there are a few issues" warrants follow-up).
How do you employ a strategy like this without white washing the discussion and never addressing the negative thing? I often end up with my report walking away positive, but then they don't make the changes I need them to make. Or I end up doubling back to the negative again, and I sound like a harpy.
My 4 year-old kid started using "but" repeatedly as we were conversing. He's using it to get his way. I wish he could read this and learn how to sell his situation, but...
I love this! I find myself saying "...unfortunately..." with some regularity. I'm going to reverse the order and replace "unfortunately" with "but" to end on the positive. It also reminds me of the Peak End Rule (https://lawsofux.com/peak-end-rule/).
I know the focus of this article is different from what I'm about to share, AND what's really interesting is that it came to my inbox the day after I had a couple of therapy sessions in which my clients and I dug into "both/and" versus "but". We talked about the "but" sometimes being really useful in terms of setting boundaries, ensuring clarity, and even taking action. For people with a history of people-pleasing, self-sacrifice or other ways of getting "lost" I think the "but" is an important tool to keep in the mix. AND, "and" is an important one to develop too!
So simple, yet so powerful! Love it.
One tiny, real, and effective improvement per post. Wes, your work is not perfect, but I wish mine was as useful.
Love this advice! I would love to read your thoughts on the strategic use of ‘should’.
Like many giant AHA!s, this is so simple but brilliant. Thank, you. Er um, I am sad I didn’t learn this sooner, but I am glad I know it now. 😊
How do you feel with my favorite improv phrase "yes, and"
I feel it dilutes the tough message you want to give.
I often use the <'negative' but 'positive'> framework when delivering thoughts that I know can be hard to digest for the receiver.
It works, and normally they ask clarifying questions after that once they wake up from the "shock" of what they just heard.